Wannabe Ceo Gifts

'Nice 'power tie', professor.'

Zorro as a child.

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

"Sometimes, when business is brisk, I have to settle for no nap at all."

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

As Seen On TV

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

"Well, I thought of it as an innovative economic stimulus package, but the jury insisted on calling it securities fraud!"

House building chart (like steps).

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

Having a varied diet doesn't just mean all 12 varieties of 'kwiknoodles'.

'I love you, Mom, but I'm going to live with the Obamas now and be the first son.'

'Arthur Fogle here, pretending to be the next Warren Buffett.'

A young boy shaving

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

"Someday I'll hire lots of smart people to work for me."

What he really hoped to be someday was a TV news anchor.

"Well, if we're playing tackle football I'll be the coach!"

The Island

'But look, Sire -- a whole lot of people have you down as their fifth choice!'

"How's business??? I'm barely breaking even!"

'Never, Ever...try to imitate LeBron James on the basketball court.'

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

"I've got a part in a soap."

"My Dad would like to borrow a cup of milk...and a cook book."

Home Station. Ernie thought he was going to be a big movie star. What that didn't happen, he got a job here at the household goods store. How his favorite event of the year is this springtime parking lot sale where all of the warm weather items are brought out. There are variable-speed models, ones that are energy efficient. He gets to put on his sunglasses and and say ... As you can see, I have a huge number of fans!

"I can try all I want, but there's no way I look smooth on this bike!"

'Sure he's got a smart phone, but he doesn't know how to use it. He's a geek poser.'

"Sure raising my allowance is great, daddy, but what I want is power of attorney!"

"Sorry, I don't have any money, but I can give you some free minutes."