Warrior Wannabes Gifts

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

Viking Hats.

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

'I've got a cape. I think I can make it.'

Zorro as a child.

Inaction Figure

"Sarge, he says he wants to make a 'fashion statement'!"

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

The modern sheriff.

"Sure we'll get in trouble, but our science grades will make up for it."

William Tell Executions.

'You're too aggressive.'

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

"Ohhh... He's out all right!"

'All I'm saying is that if we don't want to be invaded, we'd be better off with weapons of mass destruction.'

"I am a ninja rabbit. I am stealth personified. I am one of the unseen. I am now invisible...Darn."

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

"Thorg guards our front gate. Gar watches the back wall. And Helman is in charge of cyber security."

'OK, who wants to be a hero?'

"It's the wife - I can't even fight a war in bloody peace!"

Attila is No. 1! We heart Attila! Hooray for Attila! Attila is the man! Yell your king my warriors and I want his castle! Who shall I say is calling?

Lost your helmets during the battle, huh? Who's laughing now?

Braveheart.

"I'm a Texas Ranger."

'What do you mean... You sent the rest of the uniform to the dry cleaners?'

Viking aerobics.

"I'm going to demonstrate how dogs are stealth ninjas in the dark. See how I move silently....."

'It started with a headache, but not I've got a bedsore from sitting so long in this waiting room!'

"There's no increase in salary, but the position does come with a cape."

"Forget about the Wizard, guys...these stores have everything!"

"At least this way we don't have to trudge around with a bunch of weirdos."