Medieval Warrior Wannabe Gifts

"Thorg guards our front gate. Gar watches the back wall. And Helman is in charge of cyber security."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

"We're following Carrot Top."

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

Knight feeding his kids.

Harry Potter learns some 'new tricks' on his first day enrolled in a public school.

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"He conquered the known world - now all he's got is sudoku."

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

TV jester.

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"If they want a snowball fight, then I'll give them one."

"The knights of the round accent table"

Joust Sharpener

"Oh great, the printer is down."

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

underwater knight

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Knights of the bedside table.

Sir gawain had been duped....it was a damson in distress

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

'He's been brought in to save the company.'

'Good work pulling the sword from the stone. Now, how 'bout loosening the lid on the magic pickle jar?'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'