Ancient Warrior Wannabe Gifts

'All I'm saying is that if we don't want to be invaded, we'd be better off with weapons of mass destruction.'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

"He conquered the known world - now all he's got is sudoku."

"Do you think the world really is going to hell, or are we just getting old?"

'Honey, I'm Rome!'

"You guys need to #@%!% fight harder. You're all #@%!% wimps! You call yourselves a #@%!% army? Bull%#!*!"

'You're too aggressive.'

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

"The doctor will see you in a week - if you could still be ill a week on Wednesday."

'Actually, I find the destroying more satisfying than the nation-building.'

"Thorg guards our front gate. Gar watches the back wall. And Helman is in charge of cyber security."

"Just when you think you've got it all figured out, they hit you with algebra."

'Razed any good cities lately?'

'You know, I'm about to stop caring whether they're here legally or not!'

"At the motivational meeting, they told us to go big or go home."

"Hopefully I'll have enough frequent pillaging points after this trip to get a new sword!"

"Hey! I got a lot done in one day!"

"Shoo!"

Trojan Horse.

'Down to 43 hit points? ?have you been fighting again?'

Viking aerobics.

Dr. Godot's waiting room.

Horseback.

"Look sharp, Son. Your Mother's family just showed up."

Attila the Horizontally Mobile

Rugby was the winner on the day!

"We'll stop for a bread, water and toilet break at 11.30... on Tuesday."

'OK, that's strike two. What is your third wish?'