Ancient Warriors Enthusiast Gifts

"Hey! I got a lot done in one day!"

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Pyramid (Drawn from memory) (Pretty accurate)

"Well. . . either it's sinking, or you got the measurements wrong. . .!"

"No flash in the ancient mummy gallery."

'Honey, I'm Rome!'

"Do you think the world really is going to hell, or are we just getting old?"

'Barbarians at the gate? That's fine, I fully support social mobility.'

"You're right! It is a mezuzah!"

Knights' Status Report: Rusted out, Metal fatigue, Popped rivets, Bad welds, Squeaky hinges, Dents and dings.

"You guys need to #@%!% fight harder. You're all #@%!% wimps! You call yourselves a #@%!% army? Bull%#!*!"

'You're too aggressive.'

'Instead of a black belt, some of our older students, like Mr. Mertz here, prefer the black suspenders.'

'That's a bad omen no sooner does he invent the wheel than he has the first ever road traffic accident.'

'I'm no expert but at a guess I'd say they had the drawings upside down!'

I'm tired of working, Randy. One of my ancestors put it best. It was the early days of the Roman republic. Randius Taylorus Maximus was a soldier in the Roman phalanx. That bored him to death. All the clumsy formations, all the cumbersome gear, all the losing ... so he deserted and joined up with the Spartans. That's where he stopped "working" for a living, and got to do what he loved. He got to oil up and go into battle half-naked, with nothing but his shield, his sword and his loincloth. Years

Mummies for Dummies

'Actually, I find the destroying more satisfying than the nation-building.'

'All I'm saying is that if we don't want to be invaded, we'd be better off with weapons of mass destruction.'

'Oh no! not 100,000 Persians again! How many of us?'

'What do you think of as you great achievements?'

"This coin must be 2,000 years old. Try not to put this one in a pop machine."

'It was built by the ancients as a calendar. We know because each pillar has a kitten doing something really cute carved on it!'

'The time? Yes, it's VII ... no, hang on, er ... IX ... uh ... oh, for God's sake, it's half nine, OK?'

'Razed any good cities lately?'

'You know, I'm about to stop caring whether they're here legally or not!'

"I'm afraid we don't think you're really henge material."

"OK, who's the joker?"

"Change of plan. We decided to go with a material that doesn't spoil so quickly."

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

'WHO is the architect here?'

"Hopefully I'll have enough frequent pillaging points after this trip to get a new sword!"

'Definitely fake.'

'Safe for use in Micro-wave.'

'They've left a peace offering, the cowards.'