Ancient Warrior Wannabe T-Shirts

'All I'm saying is that if we don't want to be invaded, we'd be better off with weapons of mass destruction.'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

"He conquered the known world - now all he's got is sudoku."

'Honey, I'm Rome!'

"Do you think the world really is going to hell, or are we just getting old?"

"You guys need to #@%!% fight harder. You're all #@%!% wimps! You call yourselves a #@%!% army? Bull%#!*!"

'You're too aggressive.'

'Actually, I find the destroying more satisfying than the nation-building.'

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

I'm tired of working, Randy. One of my ancestors put it best. It was the early days of the Roman republic. Randius Taylorus Maximus was a soldier in the Roman phalanx. That bored him to death. All the clumsy formations, all the cumbersome gear, all the losing ... so he deserted and joined up with the Spartans. That's where he stopped "working" for a living, and got to do what he loved. He got to oil up and go into battle half-naked, with nothing but his shield, his sword and his loincloth. Years

"The doctor will see you in a week - if you could still be ill a week on Wednesday."

"Just when you think you've got it all figured out, they hit you with algebra."

"Thorg guards our front gate. Gar watches the back wall. And Helman is in charge of cyber security."

'Razed any good cities lately?'

'You know, I'm about to stop caring whether they're here legally or not!'

"At the motivational meeting, they told us to go big or go home."

'OK, who wants to be a hero?'

"Hopefully I'll have enough frequent pillaging points after this trip to get a new sword!"

Lost your helmets during the battle, huh? Who's laughing now?

"Hey! I got a lot done in one day!"

"Shoo!"

Trojan Horse.

'Down to 43 hit points? ?have you been fighting again?'

Viking aerobics.

Why do medical test results always come back on a Monday so we have to wait through the whole weekend to get our life-and-death results? You've signed a mouthful.

Dr. Godot's waiting room.

Dear Greeks - Our sincere thanks for the giant wooden horse! What a wonderful surprise when we...

Horseback.

'This one is for 'World of Warcraft 3,'

'OK, that's strike two. What is your third wish?'

"We'll stop for a bread, water and toilet break at 11.30... on Tuesday."

Rugby was the winner on the day!

"No, we will not be starting with a safety brief today."