Ancient Warrior Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Would you say this is a must-win?"

"Hopefully I'll have enough frequent pillaging points after this trip to get a new sword!"

Hat, Trident, Net...

"Look sharp, Son. Your Mother's family just showed up."

'Actually, I find the destroying more satisfying than the nation-building.'

"Shoo!"

Ancient Greek Downsizing

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Romans.

"Well. . . either it's sinking, or you got the measurements wrong. . .!"

'Honey, I'm Rome!'

"No flash in the ancient mummy gallery."

'Anti-Graffito' worker about to erase hieroglyphics.

"Do you think the world really is going to hell, or are we just getting old?"

The Unknown Philosopher, who first realised life is no picnic.

'Barbarians at the gate? That's fine, I fully support social mobility.'

"You're right! It is a mezuzah!"

"Greece! Greece! Greece! Every day it's the same! Just the constant Greece!"

"You guys need to #@%!% fight harder. You're all #@%!% wimps! You call yourselves a #@%!% army? Bull%#!*!"

'You're too aggressive.'

"Surely, as the world's only superpower, we're entitled to a little mischief now and then."

'That's a bad omen no sooner does he invent the wheel than he has the first ever road traffic accident.'

'Behold! The curse of the pharaoh!'

"The horse is nice, but we could really use the blender."

Mummies for Dummies

Hypatia

"Go with Hannibal if you must."

Book from the Library of Alexandria. Woman says: 'Have you seen how overdue this book is?'

'Oh no! not 100,000 Persians again! How many of us?'

'All I'm saying is that if we don't want to be invaded, we'd be better off with weapons of mass destruction.'

'It was built by the ancients as a calendar. We know because each pillar has a kitten doing something really cute carved on it!'

"This coin must be 2,000 years old. Try not to put this one in a pop machine."

'You know, I'm about to stop caring whether they're here legally or not!'

'Razed any good cities lately?'

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'