Wannabe Racer Gifts

Driving School Car being Followed by Wreckers.

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

"He built his own airplane from a kit."

A tortoise running along the side of the road, panting.

As Seen On TV

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

Having a varied diet doesn't just mean all 12 varieties of 'kwiknoodles'.

'They can also be used to keep an eye on the traffic around you.'

Trying to thumb his nose at authority, Lumpy stuck his thumb in his eye! Man covering eye with his hand.

Speed Checked by Radar.

The Island

"Well, if we're playing tackle football I'll be the coach!"

After the cutbacks at flight simulator school. . .

"We're only here summers, but Roger likes to be taken for a local."

TO BOLDLY GO where everyone else went (not all that long ago...)

'Am I losing my way?'

'You were exceeding the speed limit, but congratulations on getting this heap up to 75 MPH.'

'But look, Sire -- a whole lot of people have you down as their fifth choice!'

"My Dad would like to borrow a cup of milk...and a cook book."

"I've got a part in a soap."

New harder driving tests - Instructor saying 'Find a parking space'.

"I can try all I want, but there's no way I look smooth on this bike!"

"I've never actually run but I understand the marathon mentality."

'The Police will never catch that terrorist. He just ran the 100 meters in 9.57 seconds!'