Wannabe Marathon Runner Gifts

"I don't understand, I've been thinking about running a marathon for years and it hasn't got me anywhere."

"He built his own airplane from a kit."

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

'She thinks I'm out every night training for the London Marathon.'

Zorro as a child.

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

As Seen On TV

My First Boat

'Costume - What costume?'

Get a life

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

"I'm delegating my New Years Resolutions, you'll be running a marathon in July!"

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

"I'm inspired to try to run a marathon."

Having a varied diet doesn't just mean all 12 varieties of 'kwiknoodles'.

"Your track coach expects a speedy recovery."

Who do you think you're kidding? The cub scouts don't have a "special ops."

Snail Shoes

The Paula Ratcliffe: 'Think I might do the London Marathon next year.'

'They can also be used to keep an eye on the traffic around you.'

Driving School Car being Followed by Wreckers.

'Once the endorphins kick in, it's like Heaven.'

'In marathon terms, this is practically a tie.'

Runner thinking about sleeping.

In 'n out lung transplant.

Jenny has a mid-lithe crisis.

The Island

"They're offering 18 months jail and a half-marathon."

TO BOLDLY GO where everyone else went (not all that long ago...)