Wannabe Guru Gifts

Wisdom for dummies

"I'm thinking of forming a cult, Doreen."

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

New Guy.

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

Wendel enjoyed magic school but he was having a little trouble in his trickonometry class.

'I'm still working on the mystery of how to make a decent living with a tip jar.'

"The Great Source keeps afloat, along with a little help from the sharks there."

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

House building chart (like steps).

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

Bear watching a man trying to fish bear style.

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

Having a varied diet doesn't just mean all 12 varieties of 'kwiknoodles'.

"Whoa, whoa, big guy with all your ‘meaning of life’ mumbo jumbo—I just want my kid to pick up her room."

"You know, enlightenment and mustache wax don't really go together."

Dial-A-Prayer and Dial-A-Mantra

'Oh, wise guru tell me the secret of success, Oops tell me how to fly!'

"Have no fear, Baldo...the Cruzer is now your personal love coach."

Dave's new nail gun revived the childhood ambitions he'd had before realizing that he could earn more as a carpenter than as a hero.

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

'Be reasonable, son - even Santa couldn't get a horse into a box THAT size!'

"That's all you got? 'Don't waste money on premium gas?'"

'You and your voyages of self-discovery!'

"Well, if we're playing tackle football I'll be the coach!"

The Island

'But look, Sire -- a whole lot of people have you down as their fifth choice!'

'I've lost a little faith in his all-knowing magnificence now I know his first name is Kevin.'