Wannabe Guru Gifts

Wisdom for dummies

"I'm thinking of forming a cult, Doreen."

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

New Guy.

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

Zorro as a child.

"Next, I'd like to play 'Guantanamera.'"

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

Wendel enjoyed magic school but he was having a little trouble in his trickonometry class.

'I'm still working on the mystery of how to make a decent living with a tip jar.'

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

"The Great Source keeps afloat, along with a little help from the sharks there."

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

House building chart (like steps).

Bear watching a man trying to fish bear style.

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

Dial-A-Prayer and Dial-A-Mantra

Having a varied diet doesn't just mean all 12 varieties of 'kwiknoodles'.

"Whoa, whoa, big guy with all your ‘meaning of life’ mumbo jumbo—I just want my kid to pick up her room."

"You know, enlightenment and mustache wax don't really go together."

'Oh, wise guru tell me the secret of success, Oops tell me how to fly!'

"That's all you got? 'Don't waste money on premium gas?'"

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

'Be reasonable, son - even Santa couldn't get a horse into a box THAT size!'

Dave's new nail gun revived the childhood ambitions he'd had before realizing that he could earn more as a carpenter than as a hero.

"Have no fear, Baldo...the Cruzer is now your personal love coach."

'You and your voyages of self-discovery!'

"Well, if we're playing tackle football I'll be the coach!"

The Island

'I've lost a little faith in his all-knowing magnificence now I know his first name is Kevin.'