Wannabe Philosopher Gifts

"It was Socrates, wasn't it, who said, 'The unexamined life is not worth living'?"

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

Wendel enjoyed magic school but he was having a little trouble in his trickonometry class.

'I found this copy of 'Atlas Shrugged' under his mattress!'

'I think winning that last hand went to Bob's head, because he now has an entourage.'

Your Palm

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

"Well, I thought of it as an innovative economic stimulus package, but the jury insisted on calling it securities fraud!"

"Your ordering in French would have been more romantic if you didn't have to read it off your phone."

'I'm sorry Mrs Jones, but according to these results your womb is extremely inhospitable, and your husband's sperm is gay.'

The Don't-Quit-Your-Day-Job Comedic Revue

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

Before and After Tattoos.

'I love you, Mom, but I'm going to live with the Obamas now and be the first son.'

A young boy shaving

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

How To Be In The Moment...a few moments before anyone else.

The Island

Recycling bank for illusions,

"Carry yourself like everyone knows you, ad everyone you meet will feel like they should know you."

'Have you got any self-help books?'

"Everyone was born with a purpose in life...."

'Leaving a stain isn't the same as leaving a mark, Axel.'

"True, time is money, but unfortunately, money isn't time

"I can grant you three fishes."

"Larry fancies himself as a Trump-ologist."

"Sorry, I don't have any money, but I can give you some free minutes."