Philosopher Wannabe Gifts

I don't believe in god. So you're atheist or agnostic? Huh? You're certain there's no god or you're not sure? HOJ. I'm not sure. You're not sure about my question or if there's a god? O' lord, why do you torment me?! Adding further confusion.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

"I'll bet all of Albert Einstein's teachers felt like idiots for giving him bad grades too."

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"Could I ask just one question?"

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

"One year closer to college!"

Cats want answer to the big questions in life.

Pinocchio's Second Realization

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Oh for heaven's sake, you're a cow. Just eat grass and be happy.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'If no man is an island, then what the hell is no woman?'

Pastorius wonders why.

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

"When I get to Heaven, will I still have to clean my room?"

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

"Nihilistic customer service"

Et in Arcadia Ego

Free speech isn't cheap!

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

Philosopher trading cards.

'After you grade my report, may I have my intellectual property back?'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."