Philosopher Wannabe Gifts

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

Cats want answer to the big questions in life.

"Could I ask just one question?"

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"One year closer to college!"

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Oh for heaven's sake, you're a cow. Just eat grass and be happy.'

Pastorius wonders why.

'If no man is an island, then what the hell is no woman?'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

"When I get to Heaven, will I still have to clean my room?"

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Et in Arcadia Ego

Free speech isn't cheap!

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

Philosopher trading cards.

'After you grade my report, may I have my intellectual property back?'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'