Wannabe Historian T-Shirts

Go to the History Channel. I will not comply. My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you are just pretending to be interested in educational programming. There is a 98% probability you will lose interest in less than one minute and change the channel. There is a 2% chance you will fall asleep before then and forget to turn me off. You don't know me! Your webcam tells me your bookcase holds 147 books you have never even opened.

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

Zorro as a child.

What a gentleman imagines while he holds a door open.

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

'Early Laptops.'

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

Runs-With-Scissors Boy - Part One

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

"It was Socrates, wasn't it, who said, 'The unexamined life is not worth living'?"

Romney refines his platform.

'President George P. D. Q. ?3 Bush today called for Gulf War VIII'....'

'Appears to have suicidal tendencies'

An astronaut dowses on the moon.

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

"Well, I thought of it as an innovative economic stimulus package, but the jury insisted on calling it securities fraud!"

'And remind your father to take out the chicken from the freezer and don't forget to do your homework.'

"Your ordering in French would have been more romantic if you didn't have to read it off your phone."

'I'm not going to argue with you about this Felix! Leonardo Da Vinci did not invent running!'

"The new German Government will fight urgent problems with courage, decisive action, and innovation. . . and without ruining the people financially."

"Honey! Remember when we first met and you used to nibble my ear?"

How to win Genius Grants for Dummies!

"Wait till you hear this one! This little fella is calling himself a mammal and he reckons one day they're going to dominate the Earth!"

"I think we're ready for the big move up from shed band to full garage band."

Unexpected Help for the Colonists at the Boston Tea Party

Style

'Man, I hate it when he goes crowd surfing.'

'These are the happiest days of your life.'

Soldiers

'This was called a pensioner,they became unfashionable in the early 21st century.'

"If I'd lived back then, I would have signed it, too."

I'm emulating my dad - running around with mags like this. Looking smart...and in truth I'm just reading the funnies and the horoscopes!

'History keeps repeating itself.', 'You say that every four years.'