Vintage Detective Gifts

Flea Market

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

The Ukraine, Europe and Fascism.

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

'At a guess I'd say it's one of the lesser Pharoahs.'

Garage Sale (sign originally read 'Garbage' sale).

History Department: 'I used to be a revisionist myself, you know!'

"...I have the oddest 'earliest memory' and I wanted to share it. It's just as wekkm I guess. Knowing some man secretly attended my first birthday party has caused me to question my parentage all these years....Especially since Mother Park made me promise not to tell Father that the potted plant was acually J. Edgar Hoover."

'You're an inspector now?'

Working from home.

'No, not Cro-Magnon - something about it makes me think it's Neanderthal.'

'It's part of our Thanksgiving tradition - I hide the frozen turkey and Walter hunts it down.'

Dave could never work out how he lost his nose stud.

'This is the museum's vault of 'Mislaid Masterpieces' which we 'come across quite by chance' from time to time.'

When policewomen date.

Golf Crime Scene.

Mafia Passport Photo

"The usual, Al. Just sharpen the nose and hone the chin."

'Your blind date reminded you of a TV star?, 'Yeah -- I think he was wearing Columbo's raincoat.'

"I wouldn't complain about the food too much if I were you. I'm the Birdman of Alcatraz, all I get is millet and if I'm really lucky a few berries!"

'Is there something you'd like to tell me, Edna?'

'How long have you had these cornflakes, Edna?'

"Damn. No hat."

"I hate to be a wet blanket, Officer, but I wish to report my purse has been snatched."

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

'This looks like the work of a surreal killer.'

'Yes, it was number 4, I'm positive,'

'It never fails: The shortest distance between two points is always under construction.'

"I'd say old school crime. None of your high tech methods here."

'Jimmy. Stick to the outline.'

Unrecorded History

"You're not getting anything out of me unless you pinch really hard with your thumb and forefinger, then pull."