Classic Detective Story Enthusiast Gifts

"The usual, Al. Just sharpen the nose and hone the chin."

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

The Elliot Ness monster.

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

The mysterious Sherlock Holmes - 'Is he wearing his cap backwards or forwards?'

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

'Not only didn't he turn into a prince, but he gave me these awful warts!'

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

Benjamin Bunny re-writes Beatrix Potter

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

Writers wait in their area of expertise.

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

"I almost got away with it! Then somebody called in the SWAT team!"

'Tonight's special presentation, 'The Myth of the Mafia,' was made possible by a grant from the Gambino family.'

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

'It's Yorick all right - I know his DNA well.'

Fake Counterfeit Money

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'

'...Just goes to show you, you can't trust anyone.'

'Same tragic story...A disgruntled athletic trainer burst into the locker room and starts taping players at random...'

Why did the chicken cross the mafia