Classic Crime Aficionado Gifts

The Elliot Ness monster.

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Police outline artist training academy: the intro 101 class.

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

The Investigation

'Make it look like an accident.'

Ancient Egyptian crime scenes.

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'

'Tonight's special presentation, 'The Myth of the Mafia,' was made possible by a grant from the Gambino family.'

'It's Yorick all right - I know his DNA well.'

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'