Crime Saga Aficionado Gifts

'If Tony Soprano muscled in on the Corleone family, who would win?'

The Godfather Sends Chess Master Bobby Fisher a Message...

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

The Elliot Ness monster.

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Cat Burglar

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"Puss in cement boots"

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

James Gandolfini in his driveway with a tablet

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

The evidence destroyed

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

Block Closed for Gritty, Hard-Edged Tale

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'