Crime Story Enthusiast Gifts

"If you've already sent payment, please disregard this notice."

'...Just goes to show you, you can't trust anyone.'

"Bad news. They found the proof in the pudding."

"If the jury had been sequestered in a nicer hotel, this would probably never have happened."

"Oh, I do love a mystery."

'Jury of my peers? That's a laugh. How many of you ever kill a guy?'

"All right, you're free to go. We're in this for the sport - catch and release only."

Serious Freud Squad - "Tell us about your mother."

'Due to cutbacks, we've removed the last 20 pages from every mystery novel.'

'Looks like your only hope is that the jury will drown in all of the evidence against you.'

"One day at a time, that's my motto. It used to be, Catch me if you can."

"I'm thinking it might be time to find another pier."

"I don't think you can blame the Bank for an individual failing to follow procedures...I mean we have told people on several occassions not to empty the vault and take all the money home."

"Our current medical plan offers a three-day stay for a bullet in the groin or torso, a two-day stay for a bullet in an extremity, and an overnight for superficial head wounds."

'The thief got off, but I was sentenced to 6 months for leaving my door unlocked,'

"The 'H' is silent."

"I'm only doing this job because I feel sorry for my Legal Aid lawyer."

Boy Requesting Illustrated Newspaper with a Murder in it

During the high speed police chase, my client wore his seat belt and had a valid inspection sticker displayed on the stolen car.

'What route are your security guards taking to the bank today?'

'I'm sure we'd all like to thank Mr. Williams for a most informative talk on finance!'

Sleeping with the Gefilta fish

'Tell me about your last job.'

'This overhead is full.'

'Your bookkeeping skills are no longer needed. Tony will now take you for a ride on which he will discuss our early retirement plan.'

'I think one of the earliest dual career couples was Bonnie and Clyde.'

'Your honor,does this look like the face of a killer?'

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

Why did the chicken cross the mafia

"Lou can't make the meeting. He's dead."

Brutal Interrogation Turned Children's Storytime

"It's another Sicilian message. It means 'Please disregard the previous Sicilian message - it was inadvertently sent to everyone on our list."

"You were accused, tried and convicted by the media. With that much publicity, I'd like to double as your book and movie rights agent."

'The worst part of you mistake was that it was an honest mistake.'

Man points out Cupid in police lineup as the one who shot him with an arrow.