Crime Case Enthusiast Gifts

'... Yes, we do sometimes represent clients on a 'no win, no fee basis'. But as you're charged with double murder...'

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

Cat Burglar

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"Don't editorialize."

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

"We need rain."

"Number 2. Step forward please."

Next camera crew 5 mins

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'Keep an eye on that one. He looks like a sketchy character to me.'

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

Sue The Bastards

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

The evidence destroyed