Criminal Justice Aficionado Gifts

"Great news, Phil! The governor has determined that you don't have a high enough I.Q. to merit execution."

Counselor, are you telling me that the best deal you can get me is five consecutive life sentences? That's with good behavior.

"Well, then Henshaw, are you going to talk sense or would you like another night of uniterrupted Hindemith?"

'Oh, I didn't have a trial. The judge said I was pre-qualified.'

He was a man of strong convictions - Sing Sing 3 to 5, Leavenworth 6 to 12.

"That's blind loyalty for you."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

Musuem. Galileo did an experiment by dropping cannonballs from the Tower of Pisa. I wonder what he discovered? Personal injury lawsuits!

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

'You got a search warrant, sheriff?'

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'Remember - do not try to plant the seeds from these apples. They're intellectual property, and they're copyrighted.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

It Looks Like Trumpty Dumpty Got His Wall After All.

The Ballad of the Lavender Dot - Part Three

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

The Investigation

'Make it look like an accident.'

Ancient Egyptian crime scenes.