Crime Aficionado Gifts

'Might as well get comfortable. The appeal process can take forever.'

Investigative reporters on lines one, two and three.

"Where were you five minutes ago when someone was stealing my getaway car?"

'Please don't shoot, you wouldn't want to kill the father of your children.'

Amateurs Night.

'I had connections in high places - Unfortunately, they were all indicted with me.'

'Do you believe in reincarceration?'

'Make it look like an accident.'

Walk away without a scratch, $10.

"It's not 'what you know' or 'who you know'... it's what you know about who."

"You should know by now, nobody puts the bite on me and gets away with it!"

'...And then she turned in all my old love letters and they got me for mail fraud!'

Headless chicken views an identity parade

'The butler's friend did it.'

Man reading dangerous crime book.

'Not so fast, Louie -- this may be a trap...'

Who's Ho.

'No, no -- being a 'perpetrator' is BAD.'

'I ain't saying nothing without my literary agent!'

'Good evening Sir. We just happen to be in the area...'

'And over the next few days, I fully intend to show you how this butterfly flapping its wings in the Amazon is, in fact, responsible for the murder of Mr. Huard.'

Mafia bird describes himself

Large dog bites man.

"Avon calling..!"

'Doyle, I know you're a damn good cop... But I doubt if you're the right one to play the decoy for that gay rapist...'

'I don't care what is politically correct... hench person just doesn't sound right.'

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

'See! This is what happens when you give a sucker an even break!'

Mafia's car

"I'm not fussy about the model, so long as it looks inconspicuous parked outside a bank."

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?"

Mob Rules

The Bird man of Alcatraz celebrates Thanksgiving.

"I believe this is a case for Sherlock Holmes..."

"Oo we have to wear a mask over our masks..?"