Comical Crime Aficionado Gifts

Some rafters are caught red-handed seated comfortably in stolen floating devices...

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

'Not much cop are you!'

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

'Make it look like an accident.'

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

"I believe this is a case for Sherlock Holmes..."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

"I'm going out for beef chow mein - want anything?"

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

"Little Timmy is big enough to use you burglary tools."

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

'Might as well get comfortable. The appeal process can take forever.'

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Okay, I'll give you the money, but this could negatively affect your credit rating.'

Man sees his double in ID parade. Policeman says: 'Please indicate which of these men stole your identity.'

Therapy among thieves