Crime Comedy Aficionado Gifts

Mobster tries to recruit Santa as a hitman.

'Hey. You're back.'

"Everyone we know is escaping and you sit there doing nothing."

"See ya, lefty! Sleep with the humans!"

Yeah, I do have a suspect.

"Once we're in, Frank will get the TV remote, Eddie will grab the phone charger, and Ace - you'll be on tupperware lids."

Martha Stew-Art.

'... Well, I've just re-evaluated your loan application form, and it seems that you're eligible for the maximum loan available!'

'We caught the guy that stole Steve Jobs' wallet. The hernia slowed him down.'

"I knew we forgot something in our masterplan..."

Coast to coast crooks.

"Have you fixed up the wheels for the bank job tonight, fingers?"

Debt. Defying Acts.

'. . . Now take a left at the next pine tree.'

'I was going to rob the bank next door...but that lovely aroma brought me in here!'

"I don't know why I come here - the service is terrible."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

'Not much cop are you!'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

Police Lineup Escape

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."