Criminal Comedy Fan Gifts

Burger Lure

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'Aye, he'll come up a treat next spring.'

Paper reads 'Prisons Full' - 'More prisoners need to escape.'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

'Not much cop are you!'

Police Lineup Escape

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'Did he say anything before he died?'

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

"I'm sorry, sir, but a blade's a blade."

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

"Better idea! Let's obstruct traffic in the guy's neighborhood and make his morning commute difficult!"

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

'Sorry Rocko, you know how it works. Step on a crack, break your mother's back.'