Criminal Comedy Lover Gifts

'Everything was coming my way, including a couple of cops.'

'The moron carjacked a Yugo.'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

'Not much cop are you!'

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

Police Lineup Escape

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Parachuting with Concrete Shoes

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

"You're under arrest for an attempted murder."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'Don't you people ever take a pulse? ! '

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"I'm sorry, sir, but a blade's a blade."

'Did he say anything before he died?'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."