Criminal Comedy Lover Pillows

'Everything was coming my way, including a couple of cops.'

'The moron carjacked a Yugo.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

'Not much cop are you!'

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

Parachuting with Concrete Shoes

"You're under arrest for an attempted murder."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'Don't you people ever take a pulse? ! '

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'Did he say anything before he died?'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

"I'm sorry, sir, but a blade's a blade."

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

'A fine? It's not as though I ran over more than one building inspector.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'