Crime Comedy Lover Pillows

I am an insane eye doctor and I am going to kill you now...

'Okay, pal -- time to give something back to the community.'

The controversial but effective good cop/sad cop routine.

'Can you prove it's your hat?'

Insurance - "I need some contents valued please."

Little Red Riding Hoodie.

"Talc is cheap."

"Looks like it's gonna be one of those days!"

"Oh, and remember to roll up the rug the other way when you're done so it'll lie flat again."

Mafia clowns can fit an unlimited number of bodies in the trunk.

',,,And make it look like an accident,'

'I'm not here to arrest you, I'm here to hold the door open.'

'Just move along...Nothing core to see here.'

'That's not good enough!'

"I'll teach you to muscle in on my business- it's a concrete undercoat for you."

Hoodies exchanging business cards - mugagranny.com and happyslapper.com.

Crime scene outline on the floor of a grocery store.

'Your money and your eclairs.'

'Let me get this straight...someone stole your getaway car?'

"Hello Billy, how is your mother?"

Waste Thinner

"Better idea! Let's obstruct traffic in the guy's neighborhood and make his morning commute difficult!"

"Lieutenant, he left a suicide sticky."

"I'm looking for something I can read while stuffed into the trunk of an El Dorado."

(Career Criminal Counseling) (You appear to be honest, upstanding and respectable. You should try con games.)

"I'm just going to step into the bank to get some money for dinner."

"This bank job can't happen during social distancing."

"I know it's hard. We all look exactly the same to me, too."

"We need anything from the convenience store?"

Wanted for mail fraud.

An artist paints a man abducting a nude model.

"The are nice etchings, aren't they?"

"There's a new category of complaints: Date-Robbery, Date-Embezzlement..."

'Hi Peter, it's Chris Tarrant here, from 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?''

"Course my fingerprints were everywhere..."