Criminal Comedy Lovers Pillows

"To insure better robberies in the future, would you be willing to log onto my website and fill out a short survey?"

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

Robber on treadmill

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

'Not much cop are you!'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

For the last time, officer, I'm absolutely, positively sure it was number four.

"I'm sorry, sir, but a blade's a blade."

'Sorry Rocko, you know how it works. Step on a crack, break your mother's back.'

'Did he say anything before he died?'

"Better idea! Let's obstruct traffic in the guy's neighborhood and make his morning commute difficult!"