Crime And Comedy Lover Pillows

"I've got a little job for you, Kretchmer. I want you to infiltrate the I.R.S. and sow the seeds of compassion."

"I'm charging you with trying to strike a happy medium."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"You think you're gonna whack me and this will be over?"

'Not much cop are you!'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"I'm sorry- when you said 'bad' cop, I assumed you meant incompetent."

Newton's Law and Order.

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

Parachuting with Concrete Shoes

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

"You're under arrest for an attempted murder."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'Don't you people ever take a pulse? ! '

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

"Law & Order: Museum Guards."