Crime Comedy Fans Gifts

"Look, I know I have a problem, and I'm going to use the money to enter a robbery clinic for evaluation."

Heisenberg Witness Protection Program

'I see you have been mopping the floor while I was out. Are you doing this to be nice or disposing of evidence?' 'Why can't it be both?'

"When you're ready, please try to identify who it is that you think you saw in your home in the early hours of last Easter."

'Alexnadru I think you have taken this metal theft as far as it can go.'

'BAD DOG!'

'Higgins??! My gosh, someone has stolen your identity!!

Mugger reads book named 'Beat the bookie'.

'I'm going downtown -- can I swipe you anything?'

Employee of fast-food joint asks nervously whether the robber would like fries with that

"Are any of these the perpetrator?"

"Hey!! What am I supposed to do with this?!!"

"Whoa! A little more than I anticipated. . . Can you give me a moment while I pop out to the bank?"

"Put that nozzle in the gas tank mister. . .now!!"

"I've rented the extra room to an escaped convict - maybe you know him."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

'Not much cop are you!'

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'