Crime And Comedy Aficionado Gifts

An old dog learns a new trick.

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

'Not much cop are you!'

Police Lineup Escape

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'He's been shot!'

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

The Clown Hit

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

"Doesn't seem to matter how carefully you put them back together you always end up with pieces left over!"

Decision on the flip of a coin...