Crime And Comedy Aficionado Prints

An old dog learns a new trick.

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

He loves the water.

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

CSI Wonderland. (Photographer takes a picture of a cracked Humpty Dumpty. Investigators collect evidence from the scene.)

'Not much cop are you!'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

Police Lineup Escape

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

The Clown Hit

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'He's been shot!'

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

For the last time, officer, I'm absolutely, positively sure it was number four.

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

"Doesn't seem to matter how carefully you put them back together you always end up with pieces left over!"