Comedy Crime Enthusiast Gifts

Murder mystery bookshelf falls on passerby.

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

'Not much cop are you!'

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

'Did he say anything before he died?'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

"I'm sorry, sir, but a blade's a blade."

'Sorry Rocko, you know how it works. Step on a crack, break your mother's back.'

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

"Better idea! Let's obstruct traffic in the guy's neighborhood and make his morning commute difficult!"