Crime Fiction Aficionado Gifts

"Any clues?"

"Wait - use a knife. It's greener."

"Actually, all they stole was the car alarm!"

'Colonel Mustard with his candlestick in the library.'

'The witness has asked we preserve his anonymity m'lud. So we've taken the liberty of pixelating his head.'

"Put the fish down- real slow!"

"That's the deal, pal-I've drawn my line in the sand."

Mickey Spillane in the alley.

Library Thief

"What ever happened to cement shoes and the Hudson River, slowpoke?"

"Dead birds don't tweet, Joey."

'There's a gang going through town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order. I think they're still at 'large'!'

"You know I can totally hear your internal monologue, right?"

'Fred is terrified of identity theft.'

Edgar Wallace.

The Mousetrap, by Agatha Christie

"Sorry, Eddie - no one sees the Venetian."

'Apparently, your attorney knew more than you do. The Lombino family had him shot this morning.'

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

Cash point.

'Very festive.'

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

"There's something very wrong with this picture, detective."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

The Elliot Ness monster.

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass.

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."