Crime Fiction Enthusiast Gifts

"It looks bad, boss - they got your DNA off an old tennis ball."

'Cold... Cool... Warm... Warmer... Hot, hot, hot.'

'Our top story: Biker gang member wins release on bail. In other news, 15 witnesses develop amnesia.'

'We don't have to go on any quiz show. We're millionaires!'

'Can you decribe the man that hit you?'

Opportunist Thefts on Increase

"Try thinking of this as a totally immersive performance art installation."

'Are you crazy? You don't bury it! What if it sprouts again? Put it in the book, nobody will think of looking for a flower in a book!'

"As soon as those rug samples come back from the lab I want to get them over to my decorator."

"To think that for all these years, I totally misunderstood the concept of the Mafia's, 'Kiss of Death'."

"Yes, I appreciate the fact that you need a good criminal defence lawyer. Unfortunately, I'm the person you mugged!"

"But I don't carry cash!"

"That's not really Joey, it's a hologram. He needs a good alibi for tonight."

"So, Poirot, mon ami, do you like using our little grey cells?"

Egg-Trafficker Apprehended

Mystery Murder

"So, uh, how much is it to store a self?"

Book sections, 'crime' and 'master crime'.

'You had him and lost him. Too much trash-talk - not enough ‘Gimme your wallet.' Quit ad-libbing. Stick to the script.'

'The hours are short, there's no night work, and, best of all, you don't need a fence.'

'Can you prove that was under your granny's sideboard?'

'Now what am I supposed to do? -- I'm wanted in 18 states, and I've been thrown out of the other 32!'

Arrest of La Tuta

Ticket-of-leave men

Illustration for 'A Dark Night's Work' - 'The Secret Witness'.

"Dammit, there's something we're just not seeing!"

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

Cat Burglar

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'