True Crime Aficionado Gifts

"No, I can't explain it. He was alive when I buried him."

Convict says: ' I got involved with mortgage fraud ... just as the market started to fall.'

"I know he cheated on me because of his childhood abuse, but I shot him because of mine."

'I'd be a free man today if it weren't for all the witnesses, the evidence and my confession.'

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

'Yeah. That's him. That's the guy.'

'Our top story: Biker gang member wins release on bail. In other news, 15 witnesses develop amnesia.'

Cufflinks + Handcuffs = Embezzlement

The Investigation

'Very Organised Crime.'

'Seriously, not a single fingerprint?!'

"Sure, it looks clean, but believe me, right out of camera view it's a mess!"

Burke and Hare are disappointed.

"Of course I got rid of the body. Don't you follow me on Twitter?"

"Got 'im, got 'im, need 'im, need 'im... "

'Hold it! This cadaver has a footnote.'

'Tell us how the big guy really finances this free toy give away scam and we might be willing to cut you a deal.'

'So, uh, how much is it to store a self?'

"Damn. No hat."

"Please read back that last remark in a more murdery voice."

'For the hundredth time, it's, 'Hand over your wallet.' It ain't that complicated.'

"We searched the entire apartment – the four walk-in closets, the decorator powder room, the sunny eat-in kitchen, the whirlpool bath, the room-sized entry gallery – but he must have gone out through the leaded floor-to-ceiling windows onto the sundeck and escaped through the state-of-the-art fitness center."

"I want to kill my parents and sell the film rights."

Ancient Egyptian crime scenes.

'Gee... Nothing says 'I'm dead' like a severed head.'

"Next time write the book about the crime after you've been convicted."

Manson's iPhone

Burglars wearing gloves so as to avoid leaving fingerprints

Why you don't want to get there late.

"If my theory is right, Weems, I have to kill you."

Crime and Punishment and Punishment and Punishment

"This is too hard, but I'd recognize him on his own."

A man being taken to the Salt Lake City Courthouse wearing special handcuffs.

"It's sodium thiopental o'clock."

Sam Berkowitz (Son of Sam)