Crime Story Enthusiast T-Shirts

"If you've already sent payment, please disregard this notice."

'...Just goes to show you, you can't trust anyone.'

"Bad news. They found the proof in the pudding."

"If the jury had been sequestered in a nicer hotel, this would probably never have happened."

"Oh, I do love a mystery."

'Jury of my peers? That's a laugh. How many of you ever kill a guy?'

"All right, you're free to go. We're in this for the sport - catch and release only."

Serious Freud Squad - "Tell us about your mother."

'Due to cutbacks, we've removed the last 20 pages from every mystery novel.'

"One day at a time, that's my motto. It used to be, Catch me if you can."

'Looks like your only hope is that the jury will drown in all of the evidence against you.'

"I don't think you can blame the Bank for an individual failing to follow procedures...I mean we have told people on several occassions not to empty the vault and take all the money home."

"I'm thinking it might be time to find another pier."

'What route are your security guards taking to the bank today?'

"Our current medical plan offers a three-day stay for a bullet in the groin or torso, a two-day stay for a bullet in an extremity, and an overnight for superficial head wounds."

'Your bookkeeping skills are no longer needed. Tony will now take you for a ride on which he will discuss our early retirement plan.'

"I'm only doing this job because I feel sorry for my Legal Aid lawyer."

"The 'H' is silent."

Boy Requesting Illustrated Newspaper with a Murder in it

'Tell me about your last job.'

Sleeping with the Gefilta fish

'The thief got off, but I was sentenced to 6 months for leaving my door unlocked,'

'This overhead is full.'

During the high speed police chase, my client wore his seat belt and had a valid inspection sticker displayed on the stolen car.

'I'm sure we'd all like to thank Mr. Williams for a most informative talk on finance!'

Police Lineup

"Do I need it? Does it spark joy?"

'Imagine yourselves in my client's position. If YOU were a vicious young thug, can you HONESTLY say you would have behaved differently?'

'WE don't want to get sued by a ruptured burglar, now do we?'

Is she carrying explosives or is he?

"It's another Sicilian message. It means 'Please disregard the previous Sicilian message - it was inadvertently sent to everyone on our list."

Brutal Interrogation Turned Children's Storytime

"Lou can't make the meeting. He's dead."

'Early Mafia Lessons.'

'The DNA proves two things: I was guilty, and my lawyer was nuts thinking I wasn't.'