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"It's an internship - crime doesn't pay."

Pickpockets

A woman waters her vegetables and her buried husband.

'Please swipe your gun and then enter your pin number. . .'

Police arresting woman. Man slumped lifeless in background - 'But he was snoring officer!'

"They're out at they moment, I'm the burglar."

"A wide nose. Floppy ears. Spots..."

"The fact that your husband criticized your cookies makes it a kind of suicide!"

Looks like he taunted the wrong guy.

'He'll be away for a while, unless his efforts to fight extradition fail.'

'We've been married so long we finish each other's prison sentences.'

'When I said 'grill him' I didn't mean that!'

'That's her, officer!'

"I was thinking -I'll be 157 before I can return to the scene of the crime!"

Whitey Bulger

"I can't believe it! Someone stole my stupid car!"

"In addition to robbing you, I'm also doing research for a novel."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

Cat Burglar

"Puss in cement boots"

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

The evidence destroyed

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'