Crime Story Buffs T-Shirts

"Check with our legal people if we can publish a detective story in which the murderer turns out to be the author."

"Any ID aside from dental records?"

Witless protection prgram

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

"It's a shame that politics has entered crime, isn't it?"

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

hard-boiled egg...

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'You know too much,'

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Puss in cement boots"

Cat Burglar

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

The evidence destroyed

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."