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'If you want to know what really happened, you'll have to buy my new book.'

"We have ways of making you talk."

'I'll be happy to provide a blood sample but it won't be mine.'

Animals have broken into (and out of) Norm's home through window.

"I found out the hard way what a short hop it is from 'Seize the Day' to 'Seize the Money!'"

"Don't be nervous. My considerate manner got me the highest rating from the Better Business Bureau."

"I've been much happier since you persuaded my husband to stop being so paranoid and eat the meals I cooked him. May he rest in peace."

"Constable, did you check he was dead first?"

Officer! My client doesn't look anything like this! Release him immediately!

'Small craft warning'

'Hey, buddy -- can you keep a secret?'

'Okay, Jack... you're under arrest!'

'No, I've never seen him before. He just came into the bar, and without any warning, started throwing his money about!'

"Then after my accomplice cheated me, he died of natural causes." "I thought you killed him." "Naturally."

'What do you mean? I thought YOU were in prison?'

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

"Haviland is a model of how to enjoy a variety of felony charges."

"There might have been some carelessness on my part, but it was mostly just good police work."

A pirate in a pinstripe suit makes someone walk the plank

"Well, Hell is going to be so packed – I guess I'd just as soon get there early."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

The Elliot Ness monster.

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Cat Burglar

"Puss in cement boots"

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"True crime meets reality TV"