Crime Story Fan Gifts

"Look at this: Acupuncture, aromatherapy, herbal tea. We could be dealing with a homoeopathic killer."

"So, while extortion, racketeering, and murder may be bad acts, they don't make you a bad person."

"Oh-oh, we're in trouble!"

Why it's not always a good idea to wear your work uniform to court...

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

"Just ignore the bad spelling. You'll get us all accused of discriminating against people with learning disabilities."

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

'Since you stole my identity I thought I'd bring you the rest of the package.'

'If I take out this policy on my wife and she dies tomorrow, what do I get?' - 'Life imprisonment.'

'Although most people think of it as something new, keyless entry technology has actually been around for hundreds of years!'

"Don't worry, we can handle all the arrangements for your husband. We can even make it look like an accident."

'You want some protection money? Oh, thank God. For a moment there I thought you were from the Inland Revenue.'

Please try again.

"Make it look like natural selection."

'I was fired last year, but I still get a check after I hacked into their payroll program.'

Bob's photography.

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'I don't trust John since he took out that $100,000 life insurance policy on us.'

Man gets mugged after leaving a loans company.

Golf courses on the rough side of town.

"Call my attorney and ask him if he remembers that trick for getting out of handcuffs without a key."

"Great news! All of those bill collectors stopped hounding me - the hacker who stole my identity is being hounded by them now."

'On your personals AD, you say you're a butcher . . . that's fascinating. Tell me about that . . .'

Change of crime for a bored criminal

"My advice is park it in Tijuana and leave the keys in."

Escaped criminal says: 'I used to live in a gated community, but it wasn't for me.'

'Insider trading on hog futures... and you?'

Martha Stewart's punishment - "Well, if you ask me, it might have been worse. The court could have sentenced me to watch all my old television programs."

Thief's swag bag is filled with dollar signs.

'This is a stick up!'

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

'Let's get this straight: either you talk, or we send you to the surface in a polystyrene overcoat.'

"I take it plea bargaining is out of the question!"

'Andy, I think we found our guy!'