Comedic Crime Story Fan Gifts

Tree Mobsters. 'I didn't hear anything. Did you hear anything?' 'I didn't hear anything.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

Cat Burglar

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

Minority Report

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"Tax evasion is like a cancer, it's growing exponentially!"

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass.

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

The evidence destroyed

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

Crime in bookshop

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'

Oliver Twist - Oliver Introduced to Fagin

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

Moses as a mobster.

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

'Not much cop are you!'

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."