Vintage Crime Enthusiast Gifts

"I'd say old school crime. None of your high tech methods here."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

The Elliot Ness monster.

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"Don't editorialize."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Number 2. Step forward please."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Keep an eye on that one. He looks like a sketchy character to me.'

'If anybody here knows why these two should not be wed...'

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

"They've solved the cause of death of Richard III."

Fish mobsters.

"Now don't do anything flashy with the money, like pay off all your student loans at once."

"Take your time, sir. Tell me if you can see the thief."

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"I couldn't finish that book either."

"Let's try it again. Hand over your wallet, and this time, don't try anything funny."

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

'Make it look like an accident.'

Ignorance of the Law

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

Gangster's To-Do List

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

Al Pacino

Washing line with robber outfit and swag bag hanging up to dry.

'What ever happened to that persnickety inspector?'

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"