Crime History Enthusiast Gifts

'Newgate - Exercise Yard'

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

The Elliot Ness monster.

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"Don't editorialize."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Number 2. Step forward please."

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

'Keep an eye on that one. He looks like a sketchy character to me.'

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

Fish mobsters.

"Paper or plastic?"

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

"They've solved the cause of death of Richard III."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

The Ballad of the Lavender Dot - Part Three

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

'With the kind cooperation of the underworld, we present live, for the first time on TV, an actual holdup.'

"Take your time, sir. Tell me if you can see the thief."

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

'Make it look like an accident.'