Historical Crime Buff Gifts

"Today I'm using a Lizzie Borden autograph."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

hard-boiled egg...

'You know too much,'

The Elliot Ness monster.

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

The Ukraine, Europe and Fascism.

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

Fish mobsters.

The Ballad of the Lavender Dot - Part Three

"By Ned, you're right, inspector—the body has been moved."

911: Would You Like Us To Commit a Crime?

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

The Investigation

"Now we're leaving the hall of stuff we stole from other cultures and entering the hall of stuff we paid too much for."

"I told you we should have had separate trials."

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

Ancient Egyptian crime scenes.

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.