Retro Crime Fan Gifts

Dodgy Geezers.

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

The Elliot Ness monster.

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Cat Burglar

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass.

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

The evidence destroyed

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

Crime in bookshop

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'

Oliver Twist - Oliver Introduced to Fagin

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

Moses as a mobster.

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

"Oh come on! How can you possibly know that it's Yorick without a proper forensic reconstruction?"

'This article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that.'

Stand and Deliver

A spy

Back in 2 to 5 years.

"I like his style. He makes it look like an accident."