Vintage Crime Fan Gifts

"I wouldn't complain about the food too much if I were you. I'm the Birdman of Alcatraz, all I get is millet and if I'm really lucky a few berries!"

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

The Elliot Ness monster.

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

Cat Burglar

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

"'A body at rest'? -- Are you writing murder mysteries now, Isaac?"

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass.

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

The evidence destroyed

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

The GODFATHER Ride 25¢

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

Crime in bookshop

'Mark Antony addreses the mob'

Police outline artist training academy: the intro 101 class.

Oliver Twist - Oliver Introduced to Fagin

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

Moses as a mobster.

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

"Oh come on! How can you possibly know that it's Yorick without a proper forensic reconstruction?"

Stand and Deliver

'This article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that.'