Vintage Crime Stories Gifts

Oh, you'll talk – unless you want Joe here to go through your Insta and like all your ex-girlfriend's old photos.

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

Tarzan of the damn dirty apes.

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

"Don't editorialize."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

"White Collar Prison"

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

Oliver Twist - Oliver Introduced to Fagin

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

"You think you're gonna whack me and this will be over?"

'Why is it always about me?'