Crime Tales Gifts

And for sport we've goot a spittoon.

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

hard-boiled egg...

'You know too much,'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Stop summoning me about rising sea levels. I do costumed supervillains staling jewels, men in beanies grabbing handbags - that sort of thing."

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'Ah Mr Bond, I haven't been expecting you...'

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Don't editorialize."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

"Then leave the horses head in the Futon." Middle-class mafia

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

"White Collar Prison"

'They're very proud of me. I'm the first in my family to be convicted of a white-collar crime.'

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

Oliver Twist - Oliver Introduced to Fagin