Crime-themed Stories Gifts

'Hey, can I get back to you, I'm with a victim.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

hard-boiled egg...

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'You know too much,'

"Puss in cement boots"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

The Philip Marlow family

'I'm sure that the autopsy will confirm it was a suicide.'

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

Fred Dinsdale - Forensic expert.

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

''Rumplestiltskin' sounds like an ALIAS to me!'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"You're not grandma at all! In fact, I think this is a case of identity theft!"

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

Snow Crime

Mafia Family Life: 'I'm sorry dear - but I had to bring some work home!'

Man reading 'How not to get caught.'

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

"Damn it—I told them I was too well known for undercover work!"

"You probably would have gotten away with draining the bank account except for one mistake. . . you signed all the checks with the cat's name."

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"Say, Chief, any progress on the pencil case?"

"Let's just enjoy our holiday. The whole incident with your stalker is over now. We won't see him again."